I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
