We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
