Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so let's talk penis.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
