Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
