I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
