i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
