The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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