i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
