I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
