I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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