ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
