ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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