Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
