so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
