I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
zippers are such a cool invention
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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