He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
