So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
