Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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