My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
