the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
