Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
