I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I deserve this hangover.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
