I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
