Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
