Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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