bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
