Someone shit on the floor
I think my vagina is haunted
We need to rekindle our bromance
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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