last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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