I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
