Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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