That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
