At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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