I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
