So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
