I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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