I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
