I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
