I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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