true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
