I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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