Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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