it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
