Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
