i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
