you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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