What did we do last night that was yellow?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
