I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
