i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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