Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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