You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I smell stomach acid.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
