Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
