If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
