I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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