dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
be right there i have to get my cape
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
