I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
