he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
