dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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