im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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