i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i would one night stand the shit outta him
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Congratulations! We have a period
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
