..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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