That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
