Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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