Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize