you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize