so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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