Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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