Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
