woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
