my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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