This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
