You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
