He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
