And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
