it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think my fart just growled at me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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