She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
