she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
