You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize