im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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