You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
