Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
