He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
