im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
