I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
